Thought’s On A Gay Man’s Love Life
Well, it’s true what they say. You can get used to anything.
I finally starting to get used to the new regime at work, the “war culture” of the new company, and the things I have been having to do to keep my job. The people who were above me are gone, a lot of the old staff are gone, a lot of the output and analysis have been outsourced, and so far it looks like they are keeping me for the time being. They are putting me thru various training sessions, for which I have to travel about 400 miles and spend a few days living in a hotel, and they are paying for it all, which I doubt they would do if I was close to getting the axe.
Hey, I realize I had it too easy before. It was an easy job, the American Dream job. But the workplace just isn’t about that anymore, Temps are the future, outsourcing the way, the truth, and the light. I’m seeing this as a valuable toughening experince, something I needed to put a little armor on my back.
But, I’ve been a little lonely. Something like this really makes you think about those guys that seem to be able to find steady relationships, and to be happy with them. It makes you think, at least a bit, about ‘marriage’, about having a partner. About love.
But thinking about it makes me realize that I’m still not very comfortable with love. I think in ways I’m the stereotypical gay man - more interested in lust than in love, more interested in sex than in a relationship. (Wait a minute - that’s not just stereotypically gay, it’s stereotypically MALE. It’s exactly the same thing that I’ve heard a thousand women bitch about het men. Ha Ha! I’m not so much of a freak after all! I’m just a man.)
I’m not so sure I need a permananet lover - I just need a reliable roommate, one that I like and trust. But it probably wouldn’t work. Sex would rear it’s head, then attachment, then jealousy.
It almost makes you think the sexless marriage is a good idea.
Anyway, I’ve degenerated into a rant here. No free gay porno this entry, I’m all wrapped up in thoughts of love, the needs of the cock will have to wait, altho not long, not long at all.
I wish everyone a good day at work tomorrow! Appreciate the good in what you have, because change is inevitable. Change is inevitable.
December 5th, 2005 at 9:07 pm
I stumbled across your site a few weeks ago and enjoy your writing. I see now why you have been so quiet lately and understand the pressure you are going through. I sometimes feel like running away and becoming a dope smoking beach bum up the coast, scuba diving and getting bronzed by the sun, secretly perving at the sexy dive instructor blah blah blah blah. Reality sucks though. I am in the process of changing career after 15yrs doing the same thing over and over, and it is not easy shifting gear and wrenching yourself out of your rut you have created. Although it has been good for me, dont get me wrong, I feel it is now time for that big change. Its now or never as cliche as that sounds, as that big four oh looms ever closer. like being on a collision course with a freight train in a never ending nightmare. Being gay and with the closet door still FIRMLY closed does not help the pressure either. At least I am starting to be honest with myself about it these past few months. I have stopped kidding myself that I am gay-curious, bisexual (although I do enjoy having sex with woman occassionally in a detatched sort of way!! but I think its more about release than anything else.) or anything in between. I am gay. Something I have always been.
February 26th, 2007 at 7:00 am
gay curious bisexual? !worever ! strayte to the bad or maby to the club!filing good and love the change
March 21st, 2007 at 10:29 pm
Hi sandra!